Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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