You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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