They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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