Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
