oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
