So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
