Do you still have your period?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
