Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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