the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
