when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
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Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
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I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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