That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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