It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
no, he came in my armpit
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
