nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I love you.
Bad choice
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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