Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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