the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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