He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
