i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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