Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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