Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
