my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I look better un-naked...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
