When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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