I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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