I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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