I cockslap morals
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
