nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
