Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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