you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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