I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
