True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
