If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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