please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
