Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
