Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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