I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
