it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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