I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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