I think i peed on brittanys purse
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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