Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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