I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
