4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
