Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
