he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
