I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
