Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
