his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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