god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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