Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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