things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
