Soap is not a condiment
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
