drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
