went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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