Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
