So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize
