Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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