New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
