We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
