WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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