I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
