I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
