And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
