I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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