Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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