Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
