i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize