how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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